'Fishers Of Men'

If it wasn’t his eyes that were lurking from across the Pastoral seating area to the choir stand, then it would be his unacceptable ‘greetings’ in the form of his hands travelling to places it shouldn’t.

If it wasn’t, “come to my office” texts I saw on my screen lock pre-service, then it was unexpected, “I’m outside.” phone calls at my door step whilst home alone.

If it wasn’t, “send me pictures of you.” WhatsApp messages, then it was phone calls to mother to say I was ignoring calls and messages, obliging me to then engage in these absurd and ungodly conversations.

If it wasn’t to make mockery of my physical features at every given opportunity, then it was the same mockery in the form of hands travelling to places it shouldn’t; making a mockery of those same physical features.

The beginning is a blur. It’s the last thing you expected to happen, so you’re naive and don’t allow your brain to process the conclusion it is proposing to you; the conclusion that this is exactly what you think it is so open your eyes. Naivety. It resists our first instincts, then elbows our gut feeling. It destroys a lot of us before true light is shone.

The beginning is a blur, he’s someone you least expect it from, someone held in high regard not only in the local assembly but worldwide, he’s someone God placed in your life to seek guidance from, someone with friends in high places, so can’t go ‘telling tales’ now can you.

And so you keep quiet. The conclusion gathered by your thoughts your brain won’t allow you to process. And so you keep quiet. Naivety at its best no?

But what do you do when naivety blinds you? What do you do when it won’t allow you to conclude on the thoughts gathered by your instincts? That this is really happening? What do you do when you’re trapped by fear too? What do you do when you fear no one will believe you? What do you do when you want to speak but you have to protect others at the same time? What do you do when you want to speak but you’re under threat? What do you do when the offender has friends in high places to shut you up? What do you do when you finally speak but the offender gets promoted into a higher Pastoral office and you feel hopeless because the offender has been ‘empowered’ even more to keep you quiet? What do you do if you finally speak, your case gets somewhere, but along the way is dropped in a pit of injustice and you have to continue under the offender’s leadership?

What do you do…where is God in all of this? What is His Word concerning my offender, his offences, and his office whilst carrying out his offences?

*Drops the mic*

I found myself in this situation. Decided enough, was enough and did something about it.

1. I sought God and asked Him all my questions. His response was simple. “Forgive, continue to esteem them very highly and continue to love them with the love of Christ shed abroad in your heart. The vengeance isn’t yours to take. It's mine.” I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard in shock. It’s either God was oblivious to what I’d been through mentally or I didn’t hear right. But I did exactly that. Don’t sit there and think it took a day. It took me over a year and a half to get to this place and fulfil that instruction. But God and His Spirit stood by me every step of the way.

2. The process broke me. What God told me to do; to my flesh made no sense at all and I was fighting with it. Gave up a few times, tried again, then gave up again, then tried again. But a little bit like Jesus, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross,” I did my own enduring knowing that I’ll come out of this very soon. But like I said, the process broke me. I broke sweat. I was doing what God had told me but still under the leadership of the offender. Anything now coming out of the offender’s mouth I couldn’t take in or receive. But I was meant to, because it it’s the Holy Spirit ministering now. But all I could see was this offence staring right back at me. And I wasn't coping well. At all.

3.It was overwhelming. I grew weary. I sought The Lord again. I proposed a plan B which was another way I could follow God’s exact instruction. We came to an agreement and I took myself to an environment that worked better for me. An environment where I could still properly function in the body of Christ. An environment that wouldn’t cause me to grow weary. An environment in which I finally had peace of mind in.

Many of us are engulfed in these predicaments because we can’t say anything. Because, (this is one of the biggest ones) we’ll. ruin. it. for. every. body. Because we want to “do the prophet no harm,” because no one will believe, because even if we all come to know the truth, exposing it is too expensive, exposing it exposes others who want to be protected and have no hands in the matter, including some of our loved ones, exposing it will make us the enemy, exposing it may dissolve the local assembly, exposing it could end in a line up of criminal records, exposing it may take fathers away from their children, so that means taking away breadwinners from homes, exposing it only looked like mass destruction apart from one thing; our own sanity and peace of mind. But our own sanity and peace of mind is costing a very expensive price. So we keep our lips sealed and suffer in silence because it is the supposed ‘better’ option…

In all these things, you have to remember that the 'offenders' are still God's children which He loves very much. He won't cause them harm for you, He won't stop favouring or gracing them for you, He won't stop blessing them for you, He won't send His wrath down on them for you. But He will only to continue loving them the more. He has however, His Word, which will take its cause of justice as the 'offenders' fulfil scriptures in their wrongdoing. Hence why God told me the vengeance wasn't mine. Because His Word is already set up for such people and such actions. So take heart and make your own agreement with God like I did. And set yourself free. You still have to give account to God before the judgement seat of Christ on that day. No excuses on that day. Not even something like this.