My Parents

If you've come here to get juice on my parents, I'm really not sorry to disappoint you?

X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x X x

I must have been about 13 or 14. It was after school. Mum was still at work. Siblings…no idea. I’m in the bathroom though however, looking at my womanly features in the mirror as you do. My head tilts on its right in wonder…Nah, let me call mum…This can’t be right...

Why she waits for the last ring to pick up, I’ll never know. She’s probably drawing her head back, phone held back as far as possible, eyes squinting, lips pinched to see who’s calling.

“Why is one of my boobs bigger than the other?” I remember it like it was yesterday. She laughed her head off.

“Tu me fais rire toi ! Mais tu ne le savais pas ou quoi ?” (You make me laugh you! Didn’t you know?)

That’s my mum and I’s friendship. Anything and everything. De tout et de rien.

FATHER

I’m forever grateful to my dad. We’re not as close as I’d desire for us to be but I owe this man in some respect. I sat in an airport waiting for my flight to board and I was staring at my passport. I wondered to myself, “This little red book (not literally) and the colour of a book, can determine where I have freedom of movement and where there are restrictions to these movements also.” And it got me thinking how I got this little red book.

My dad decided to migrate to Europe in the early 90’s to give us a better opportunity at life as well as himself and mum. I remember the first time I’d applied for a Visa. I cried by the time it was granted. It was so difficult. Oh so challenging. If you’ve applied for a Visa where the requirements are very demanding, you’d know. And I just thought to myself, imagine what he’d gone through to get our family to Europe. By then it was only my 2 elder siblings born. But imagine the cost of flights for each person, the exchange rate of the country he was migrating to, how long he'd saved up for, for the whole family, the cost of processing applications, the cost of each passport, the little things like passport pictures for each person, gathering birth certificates and other documents that weren’t so accessible or easy to get. The emotional side of things? The thought of going to a country where you know nobody or nothing of but the language, the thought taking your whole family along with you who solely depend on you to come through. Having to deal with applications being denied, nearly giving up!? People around him must have discouraged him of the ‘European Dream’. I think of that and think…that must have taken a lot of courage, faith, physical strength and mental strength. Kudos to you my guy. Your sacrifice will never be in vein.

I also rate my dad a lot for making Christ present in our lives and in our home. It was instilled in us from a very early age that you must pray before you eat, pray before you leave the house to travel to far place, to pray when we arrived at our destination, to pray when we received visitors, to pray before they left, to pray before we ate the birthday cake at our parties, to pray when we fell ill. My dad was that guy that got us all a Bible for our birthdays the minute we could read. He was the first person who taught me how to use the name of Jesus. It was just him and I eating at the table and he told me to pray over our food. I did so and said Amen. He corrected me and said, “No. Say In The Name of Jesus, Amen.” And I did so. He then said to me, “If you don’t say In The Name of Jesus, your prayers won’t ever work." I never forgot that till this day.

MOTHER

If this woman leaves earth before Jesus comes back, Holy Spirit help me. It won’t be easy. She’s everything. “Your mother isn’t everything, God is your everything.” No no, don’t give me that. God appointed my mother as ‘parent’ and teaches me a whole lot through her. Mothers serve a very important ministry and carry out duties even the Holy Spirit can’t. Don't mess with that now...

I can write a book on my mum, you lot already know. But if I were to name two things I treasure about her, I’d have to say it’s her gift of trust to me and her always creating this environment of freedom and liberty around me and my siblings.

My mum has given me her trust as a gift. There are places I’ve travelled to in the world and I’ll tell her, “Mum, I’ve booked my flight to ….and I’m travelling in July.” She’ll look at me and think, “What is it that she’s going to do there? What is it that she is looking for?” But responds with “Ok” and makes sure I’m prepped for my trip with every piece of advice under the sun.

A few years back I decided to go and temporarily live in a country where I knew no one, didn’t know the language and didn’t have a place to stay until I got there. I wanted to enhance some skills and learn the language. I packed my bags, booked a hotel with hope that I’d put down a deposit within 5 days. And I did.

I love how my mum freely handed over her trust to me. I lived in this country and I could have done whatever I wanted to do. I could have messed up and could have completely ‘departed from the way I should go’ (Proverbs 22:6). I could have come home with the 'I'm pregnant' news. I could have completely derailed. But she was so chilled and without a fuss about me going that I took that as, “I trust you. There’s no worries. I trust you to behave, you know better, I trust you to not put me to shame. I know you won’t mess up. It’s not in you to. I've raised you well.”

You know the scripture that says, “Where the Spirit of The Lord is, there is liberty”? In the presence of my mother, there is complete liberty. There’s no taboo, there’s no, ‘let me hide, I don’t know what she’ll say.' None of it. There’s so much freedom of speech and expression. You can literally say you needed a number two in the most awkward way and she’ll respond with something caaasual like, “Il me rest qu’un rouleau, il faut na somba.” (I’ve only got one roll left, I need to buy some more) and probably tut and get on with what she has to do, leaving you to do your business.

I could comfortably tell my mum I got away with stealing, talk about sex and relationships, cry on her shoulder when I don’t have it altogether when I thought I did, talk about times of depression when I’ve gone through it, tell her she's offended me when she has, call her when I’m in terrible trouble, call her when I’ve just made the biggest mistake in my life and don’t know how to redeem myself…all without her judging me.

I first started my period and literally walked into her room and said, “I’m bleeding.” in the most unbothered manner. She said nothing, grabbed a pair of my clean undies, grabbed a pad, whipped them wings back like a pro (the flick of her wrist blew me back) and told me to put them on. She then opened her eyes wide and said, “Tu est une femme maintenant. Ca veut dire que tu peux tomber enceint. Alors il faut pas faire l’amour.” (You’re a woman now. This mean you can get pregnant. So don’t make love.) I said, “Okay,” shrugged my shoulders, and hopped along.

We’re just that free, that straight to the point, that raw. I respect my mum SO much for creating that environment of freedom and liberty around us. It’s prevented me from making so many mistakes because I’ve been able to approach my mum with everything and about anything whenever I felt confused or pressured. And she’d just give it to me real.

There’s part 2 to this post because I don’t want to make it longer than it already is. Thank you for reading.