Things I Wish I Told My 20-Year Old Self
“You’re so naturally talented and intelligent.”
I’m really not kidding when I say this. I have these talents that develop as a result of just being me. that’s what I mean by naturally talented. I’ll find myself carrying out hobbies that I enjoy, then pause and think to myself, “This can actually sell.” - Not that I’ve really acted on most of those thoughts. But hey…
"Life is simple. Jesus has all the answers to your questions.”
As I went through life, I had a lot of curious questions. Oh and I made sure I was asking God em’ questions! Every single one of them. “Why did God just create the whole universe? At least, why couldn’t He leave me out of it? I didn’t ask to be born”, “All my childhood they said Jesus was coming ‘soon’, 20 plus years later, He’s still not come?”, “If Jesus is coming for a perfect church and the love of some is waxing colder, when is Jesus actually coming?” “Why didn’t God just have it that all men be born again? Why did He have to give us choice? What was His aim?” I found all the answers in the pages of His Word. And the ones I didn’t get an answer to? That was my answer.
“Let tomorrow take care of itself.”
I’m someone who thinks very far ahead when planning and making decisions. I think as far as July in January over the thoughts of what my weekly shop is for the upcoming week. I think about booking a flight for a holiday in July and already think of what day of the week it’ll be and how I’m getting to the airport from my house, then if it’s a connecting flight, find out if there’s wifi at the airport, then think of where I’m landing and think of what time I’ll be arriving and consider whether or not it’ll be safe to get a taxi or call a friend to get to my hotel, then think about what time the taxi or friend should come because of how long immigration checks and getting my suitcase may last. The thinking ahead goes on. Planning as far as you can isn’t at all wrong. It’s great. What I wasn’t doing was living in the moment. By the time I was half way thinking about my July holiday, I’d forgotten that, “Hey! Hey, don’t forget to live today yeah?” and wasn’t taking care of the challenges and troubles and worries of ‘today’. My ‘today’ was denied attention because of me occupying the thoughts of “What about tomorrow?”
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” - Matthew 6:34
“It’s them. Not you. There’s nothing wrong with you.”
I have to admit, most of my life was made up of other people’s influences, decisions and what society decides a thing is. I wish I took the pride that I take now in knowing that I’m beautiful, unique, content in Jesus and that Jesus loves me like nobody will ever love me. How I wish I had the mindset that I have now at 20. The mindset that the Holy Spirit is my only pure influence. The only person who truly has my back, that truly has my best interest at heart, the only person that sticks around when everyone else leaves or doesn’t get you, the only person who understands and sees the depths of your heart and understands why you go through what you go through. The one who knows your darkest secrets and tells you you’re the light of the world and a city set upon a hill that can’t be hid. Things would have been different now. But I can’t regret it because God is able to restore those wasted years and make them be as though not one minute was wasted.
“A father doesn’t give up His son in vain.”
I’ve always told myself that God couldn’t have created me and allowed me to suffer in this life. He couldn’t have sent His son to die for me to be sleeping on the streets or have some sort of average life. Such that if I did live in poverty, it would be of my own accord. It would and could only have been my choice. People ask questions like, “If God is real, why is there poverty and war?” - Decisions. Decisions made by people themselves to remain in those circumstances when born into them. Decisions. decisions made by people in the political houses that cause their people to perish. Decisions. Decisions made by wicked and unreasonable men to be advocates of the prince of this world. Decisions. And in the midst of these decisions, God says, “Hey, in the midst of all this evil, I give salvation that causes you to triumph in every place and gives you eternal life even when you pass out from this world. Take it and make it yours today.” See why everybody needs Jesus? You can’t live a life of perfect peace in this world without Jesus. You’ll be okay one day, but tomorrow could be a complete day of darkness. But with Jesus, you can be okay everyday. Even in the midst of the darkness. See God has the answers to all the trouble and hurt in the world. You’ve just not heard of the Gospel of Jesus Christ yet. Nothing God has done is in vain.
DON’T. COMPARE. YOURSELF. TO. ANY. HUMAN. BEING.
I’m still telling myself this. Been telling myself this all my life. Did it stop me comparing myself to others? Nope! Not until I made a conscious decision to stop doing it. And guess what? I only started doing that this year 2018. See I told myself all my life I wouldn't compare myself to anyone, but I hadn’t made the conscious decision to do it. Not comparing myself to another has so liberated me. The fact that I haven’t got to constantly go through my Instagram and cringe in shame at someone else that’s doing better than I is the most liberating feeling ever. Because I’m competing with myself now. It’s only March and I’m still working on me. Don’t get it twisted, the process broke and deconstructed me. My flaws flew right, left, to and fro and I felt exposed. But I gave it to God. Asked Him to construct me back up and trusted Him with it. He’s doing an amazing job. A better job than any human being in any profession or with any title can do.
Now I can allow this blog entry to be a journey of regret or I can be thankful and grateful for the beautiful process. I’ll go with the second option; staying grateful and not having it any other way.