Finally: Part 3
So maybe for your first time, you were taken advantage of. The unexpected and unwanted way of sexual interaction.
Maybe you’re still recovering from it; the flashbacks, the nightmares; even worse, having to see or be close to the offender. I guess it’s less painful when the offender is a complete stranger. But what’s extremely painful is when the offender is someone you know, trusted and either is valued a family member or is one. It’s mentally disturbing. It’s destabilising. It rocks your boat!
When being taken advantage of in such manner, the one on the outside looking in just wonders, “Why didn’t he/she not just tell them to stop?”, “Why didn’t they shove them out the way?”, “I don’t get it, why didn’t he/she just tell anyone? Ring the police?”, “Rah! Just kick em’ where it hurts!!” - These were my questions, watching documentaries or being told a story of someone being taken advantage of.
Listen. In that moment in time, shock gets a hold of you and it’s the only thing you know. If it’s not that, it’s either the offender is significantly physically stronger than you to defend yourself, or fear has you. It’s the case for majority.
If you’ve been taken advantage of, it’s not ever your fault. Even if it was your fault. Meaning even if you did cause it. It still doesn’t make it right. Because one takes another’s life doesn’t mean his life has to be taken. It’s not your fault, even if it was your fault.
We’re talking about keeping ourselves. In these cases, God doesn’t hold it against you. What He does expect from you though is that you pick yourself up, forgive, continue to love, take a couple pages out of His word to address your situation and carry on walking your path.
Easier said than done, but can be done. Slowly, but surely. It feels horrible and unfair the whole time. As as frustrating as it may be, the responsibility to move forward, to heal, to get better and to continue the journey, lies in your hands.
Words paraphrased by Harmony Grillo:
You can either continue to focus on the obstacles and find excuses that will keep you stuck in the conditions and mindsets that perpetuate your sense of victimhood, or you can stand up, take responsibility for what is yours, and walk towards freedom, focus and healing.
The choice is yours.
We can continue to find reasons and excuses that justify why we are the way we are, or we can decide to get well. The beautiful thing about choosing to get well is that with God’s strength, we have the capacity to not only survive the victimisation we once experienced, but to overcome it completely.