The 20 Year Old Virgin: Uncensored
So I’ve clicked the ‘Publish’ button, closed my MacBook.
My back to the floor trying to come to terms with what I have just published.
Best believe I’ve let this post catch dust for over 2 months; escaping judgement. The title says it all, it is what it is. I get asked the same questions over and over when this truth comes out. So I think it’s the perfect time to answer them and also encourage my sisters (maybe brothers too) out there on the same journey. So I’ll dive straight in.
The reason I have decided to ‘keep myself’ are for the following reasons in this particular order:
1. My mum scared me from young age. Early teens. It was a day when I’d arrived home from school. She sat me down and asked me, “Are you still a virgin?” with beady eyes, lips shrivelled up I nodded my head. She pulled firmly onto my ears with her words and said, “If you do it, I will know. I will know by the way you walk.” That frightened me and so I never dared to come home with the “I’m pregnant.” news. Ever.
2. As much as I look forward to my first time, I never liked the idea of having ‘been’ with multiple different guys. The whole idea of multiple different guys ‘easing’ themselves in me is not for me; the whole, ‘bus stop’ idea. I couldn’t and still can’t gather my mind around that. To me, I just saw it as, “How can I let just anyone enter me and the person wasn’t my husband?”. I’m old skool like that. A bit big headed but I value myself a lot more than that. This reason alone was enough for me not to go down that lane. “So for us who’ve slept with lots of people, are you saying we don’t value ourselves?” - Your words, not mine.
3. I am a Christian that believes in God. I believe He designed sex for married people. And the whole theory makes sense. If sex were designed for any kind of people, this world would be a mess. And as you can see, because people have done that, there have been a series of ‘messes’ in the world.
4. Is the ‘satisfaction’ of a few seconds really worth it? To throw it all away for a ‘quickie’ that doesn't even last for so long?
You’d think number 3 would come first? So did I. But my reality was in this order.
So then I get asked these questions time and time again…
“Well wow, you’ve got real willpower, how do you do it? Do you not get tempted?”
Well only every single day of my life. Because I have made my decision to wait doesn’t mean there’s no temptation. There most certainly is. Your flesh even though having not experienced it before wants to ‘taste’ of it and that’s hard.
Sometimes I talk to God and and say, “Lord, if I do it, you know I’ve tried right? There aren’t many 20 year olds that have made it this far. So I think it’s fair to say that in the 20 years of my life I can say I’ve tried this hard.”
But then I think to myself, wait, God wasn’t a fool when He decided to create sex for married people. He knew the flesh would tempt me, He knew there’d be temptations left, right and centre, He knew there’d be people around me to tell me how good it is and to present it to me in ways that weren’t harmful. He knew. And He still knows. So I keep keeping on because He’s right beside me, backing me in this decision I’ve made.
It’s hard. But I’m proud of having come this far. Because I not only do this for myself, but I do it for my future children. I do it for my girls especially. Even if they don’t follow my example, let it be that mummy did it right; let it be that mummy set the example first.
I do it for other young ladies who look up to me. Some I don’t even know that look up to me.
They’ll tell you, “No guy’s gonna want to be in a relationship with you with no sex.” Then you’re not for me, there’s something I’m trying to achieve and you can’t aid the vision. So you’re going to have to step aside.
They’ll then tell you, “All guys of today are having sex in relationships, even Christian guys. You’ll end up with no one if you continue like this.” Then let it be that I was known as that girl who decided to wait and ended up with no one as a result. I would rather that be than fit in like every other female who easily gave in.
They’ll give you every reason possible and say everything to welcome you into their level and class.
Everyone likes to stand on a firm foundation; something that is sure and has assurance right? Well I’ve found my foundation and it’s just what I’m going by because it’s life and peace.
You’ll say I’m talking like this because I’ve never ‘tasted’. I am content in who I am and the decision I have made. Countless times have I heard the, “I wish I hadn’t like you. I really wish.” and I’m glad the scenarios aren’t the other way around.
I think I should come up with a part 2 maybe….what do you think?