My Year Of Triumph

I didn’t feel I needed to triumph over anything. I was fine. Still had challenges, but nothing I was battling in faith for.

31st of December. Church service settings. Midnight. The Year of Triumph. Announced.

Whilst everyone else was somersaulting, I sat back down on my seat and said, “Lord, what does this mean? I don’t really feel I need to triumph over anything.” He said to me, “Read in between the lines.” At that moment was when I came to a realisation that this year, there are challenges coming that I will have to triumph over. There are challenges coming that I wouldn't have expected, there are challenges coming that will look like they will have no way out, there are challenges coming that will make me feel so weak. Challenges coming that will have me questioning God’s existence.

But that is where the Word of the Lord comes in; “God always causes me to triumph in every place.” (2 Cor 2:14) Meaning physical places, spiritual places, geographical places. I don’t know what was to come, that I had been made triumphant for this year but God told me to keep this word in my heart no matter what, throughout the year, no matter what happens to or around me because He said He will divinely position me to triumph always.

The challenges are coming in their volumes but it’s okay, because I have been made triumphant, it’s okay because Christ has overcome the world, it’s okay because I've been made more than a conqueror, it doesn’t matter what is launched against me from the flesh because every man that walks in the spirit is superior to the flesh. So I didn’t know what was coming, but the only thing I was holding on to was 2 Cor 2:14. My assurance was that God will never me leave, such that if everyone else did,(John 16:31-33) He would never. So I was made prepared.

I left church that morning, chin up, having put on the whole armour of God (Eph 6:10) and putting on strength (Isa 52:1), and said, “Lord, it is You and I, hand in hand, I will start strong, and finish strong.”

The financial challenges of this year have been like I’ve never seen them before. After finishing school in May this year, I decided to look for a job that would sustain me financially whilst I look for a job in my field. It’s what we all do right? Not all of us start our graduate jobs immediately but we have to make provision for ourselves. If you know me well, you know that the last thing I will do is ask anyone for money. I would rather starve. Whenever I need something, it is God and I. That’s all I know.

I went through five jobs this year before finally finding the one that I’m at right now. Three of them were horrible and I disliked them, one of them required me to work Wednesday evenings and Sunday all day. It paid well. But I just could not bargain that for the need of money. I told the manager that my Wednesday and Sunday services aren’t ones I casually attend. She fired me. It is God that sustains me. Why take a job that will take me away from His fellowship? Another I enjoyed so much, but it didn’t pay so I had to stop. I couldn’t spend my time voluntarily working and going with unpaid bills month to month, paying no offering month to month, paying no partnership month to month, having no transport fare month to month.

My mum giving me allowance every week was so unacceptable for me. I was so embarrassed. That at my age, twenty-*** years old, my parents are still giving me pocket money? - Nah. You may say, ‘you’re being too hard on yourself,’ or ‘what’s wrong with that?’ but when you’ve already learnt to start fending for yourself at such a young age, coming back to this level wasn’t acceptable. There was no excuse. That’s just for me.

Five places of employment. The most unstable and unpredictable financial flow I’ve ever experienced. But I kept going. Things needed to be paid for. Do you know what it’s like to be waking up at stupid o'clock every day for a job you hate!? A job you have no interest in? But I kept going, knowing that it was ‘but for a moment.’ (2 Cor4:17)

I recall the Global Youth Leaders Forum Conference I were to attend in August. A week before the conference, I lost my job. My heart sank. I had plans. Commitments. You know when you make plans and calculate your money that’s coming and then it all goes under? My heart sank. Dami called me and said, “Lae Mo, you’re leading worship for the conference.” In my mind, I’m in no state to lead anyone in worship to God, in no state to uplift anyone, in no state to make someone else feel better. I just said ‘Okay. I will.” Turned to the Holy Spirit and said, “Right, I’m gonna put my songs together, maintain my vocals well, but as soon as I get on the stage, you have to take over because I’m really weak right now.” He did exactly that for me. I have an understanding that no matter what happens to me or around me, God’s will has to be done. The day came, my heart still so heavy. How I even made it to London was a miracle. Money made itself manifest.

So I’m stood at the staircase of the stage. Microphone in my hand. Head down. “Holy Spirit, my vocals and my heart are yours, use them for Your glory, use them for the upliftment of God’s people, for their edification, for their healing, the miracles and promotions they are expectant of.” He did exactly that for me. It was countless how many times someone stopped me to tell me they were blessed by my ministration. I couldn't walk from the choir stand to the back of the hall without someone stopping me and telling me the same thing again. The iMessages, the Tweets, the Facebook messages, the Instagram comments. Pouring in. I remember Phebe came up to me. Suddenly. She did nothing but speak words of prophecy upon my life. Why she did that, I don’t know, but I believe God orchestrated it.

The month of June came. The darkest month of 2015. I think I may have experienced a bit of the valley of the shadow of death David walked through. (Psa 23:4) If I close my eyes and have a picture of a calendar in my mind, the month of June is hovered by a black cloud. The details, I will spare you. But I all I remember is my heart feeling so heavy it could drop to my stomach (if that’s even possible) and just wanting Jesus to come back because the thoughts of my own funeral wasn’t exactly my cup of PG Tips and Rich Tea biscuits. The challenges felt beyond my control.

Almost every day, I would lay flat on my back, tears down my face, speaking God’s Word back to Him, uncontrollably trembling, teeth knocking together as though it were freezing cold, anxiety level 100. Do you know what it’s like to be able to speak God’s Word when at that time it doesn't even make sense? When no bone in your body feels like it? When you feel defeated? When you have no strength left? When everything in your life doesn't make sense? Having to wake up in the morning and fix your mask on because you can’t have anyone know what you're going through because you and God are dealing with it?

Where the strength came from, I’d say I don’t know, but I do know. It was God’s Spirit, the standby. ‘For Your Glory’ by Tasha Cobbs was the only song that encouraged me. I don’t know why but I guess it was the idea of being ‘where you (God) are’ and doing ‘anything just to see Him, to behold Him as my King’, being present with Him and just the whole idea of wanting to check out of this world. I just wanted God to ‘remove this cup from me.’(Lu 22:42) But I kept on keeping on.

Every quarter of the year has had its load of challenges. Left. Right. Centre. God has been and will be my refuge. The One I run to. Because when you understand there is truly nothing and no one in this world that can help you for eternity, He’s your first resort.

The last quarter of the year has been a manifestation of God’s faithfulness toward me. Those Words I was speaking back to God were finally coming through for me. My cloud is full of rain and has just being emptying itself upon me. (Ecc 11:3-5) For your clouds to be full and for them to start emptying themselves can surely take some time, but when it happens, it feels way worth the wait.

For the first time in my life, I paid a three-figured tithe to God; a day I didn’t think I’d see till my late thirties. I enjoy the job I do now, I look forward to going every morning, it’s challenging, I learn something new every day about running a business and a company and most importantly, I can go to my church services freely and serve God freely. The Year of Triumph has had its toll on my faith but I’m still here, standing firmly, victorious, TRIUMPHANT.